Tuesday, 20 July 2010

...but I thought marriage meant fidelity?

Married men. I have a problem with them. Not just any married man of course, I'm sure there are millions of great husbands out there. But the ones I seem to encounter, be it on a night out or even in the supermarket... well, they are an altogether different species. I say this purely because I can almost guarantee you that when I go to a pub or club, any man that flirts with me will have that tell-tale ring on his finger. They don't even feel the need to hide the fact that they have a poor unwitting woman waiting for them at home. 

But apparently it's MY fault. I must have an invisible sign hanging above my head that tells them that I am 'into' married men and that I also have no conscience.  One of my friends says it's because I look.. in his words 'sack nasty'. No, I hadn't a clue what he was on about either. Apparently it means (roughly translated...) that I look like I'd be fun in bed. So ok, maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. But even if I was, why would he presume that I would just accept the fact that he's married, lay back and think of England?

Honestly. They drive me insane. It gets worse though. It gets MUCH worse. 

When it's a stranger, you can tell them to piss off home to wifey... easy. But what about when it's someone you know. Someone who's wife you know. Then it is a whole different kettle of fish! What do you do? Tell him where to go, namely, back to his wife? Do you keep your mouth shut... and live with the knowledge that her husband is a total fucking scroat so that every time you see her, even though you did nothing wrong, you feel a strong twang of guilt, tinged with a hint of pity? 

Answers on a postcard please. 

Thursday, 15 July 2010

...but some people's children drive me insane.

I am a mother, I have a son who I adore. But don't get me wrong, I know he has his faults. I am under no illusion he is an angel ALL the time. But I have complete faith that he is a well behaved child even in my absence. I trust him to behave, he has his moments like anyone but in general he is a good kid.

What I don't understand is why I find other people's children so irritating! I have always thought it was just me, but having spoken to friends on this subject (whose children I like. Mostly.), I find I am not entirely alone in my sentiment. Although I do seem to lack patience in comparison to my peers, but this is nothing new.

My most recent encounter with 'someone else's child' was just the other day at a school concert. I was sat minding my own business, and actually enjoying the performance when 'someone else's child' appeared from nowhere having squeezed down the row of chairs to where I was sat. His aim, it transpired, was to irritate the hell out of a child sat in the row in front by almost throttling him with a piece of string. The thing that REALLY irritated me apart from the dropped rubbish, and the incessant bouncing about in a space meant for only one pair of feet, was the point at which 'someone else's child' not only jumps on my toes, but manages to get his foot INSIDE my handbag which was on the floor beside me.

Annoyed? Oh yes. I picked my bag up and looked round to see if there was an adult 'responsible' for this irritating affectation, and yes.. there she was. Stood at the end of the row keenly watching her older child play, and then smiling inanely in my general direction. You could tell from the rose tinted look on her face that her children were 'little angels'.

I'm glad she enjoyed herself. I did too once he was safely out of my vicinity.

Call me miserable, impatient, a bitch. Maybe I am, maybe it's me.